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Futurama Ipsum & Some Styling

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Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful!

I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want! Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Kids have names? You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. When the lights go out, it’s nobody’s business what goes on between two consenting adults.

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Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere?

Ummm…to eBay? Oh sure! Blame the wizards! Hello, little man. I will destroy you! I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Leela’s gonna kill me.

  1. Ooh, name it after me!
  2. Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head.
  3. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. Check it out, y’all. Everyone who was invited is here. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool.

  • No! The cat shelter’s on to me.
  • And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it!
  • I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want!

Who am I making this out to? What’s with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food. Alright, I’ll get you some stupid food. Who am I making this out to? I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool.

Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. Kids have names? Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Shut up and get to the point! Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Who are those horrible orange men? Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused.

I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?!

That’s not soon enough! I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. No, I’m Santa Claus! Shut up and take my money! Ooh, name it after me! You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see!

Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. So, how ’bout them Knicks? Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!

But existing is basically all I do! Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”.

No argument here. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. What’s with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food. Alright, I’ll get you some stupid food. Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! You don’t know how to do any of those. Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think?

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

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What She Said

If I want to know the absolute truth, I go to Erin. She’s a straight shooter, no-bullshit friend who doesn’t beat around the bush. Who wouldn’t want Erin in their circle of influence? She’s as sharp as a tack and makes you laugh while keeping it REAL....especially when it comes to dating. She inspires single women and married couples alike. She invigorates us all!

Elise, 54

Erin Stafford
5
2016-05-03T18:07:52+00:00

Elise, 54

If I want to know the absolute truth, I go to Erin. She’s a straight shooter, no-bullshit friend who doesn’t beat around the bush. Who wouldn’t want Erin in their circle of influence? She’s as sharp as a tack and makes you laugh while keeping it REAL....especially when it comes to dating. She inspires single women and married couples alike. She invigorates us all!
Erin is the real deal. She is a confident, competent ass-kicker who, after a brief encounter with her, makes you feel like you've known her all your life. One of her greatest gifts is storytelling and thankfully she's got lots of material!! Strap in, you're in for a wild ride!

Amy, 49

Erin Stafford
5
2016-05-03T18:24:44+00:00

Amy, 49

Erin is the real deal. She is a confident, competent ass-kicker who, after a brief encounter with her, makes you feel like you've known her all your life. One of her greatest gifts is storytelling and thankfully she's got lots of material!! Strap in, you're in for a wild ride!
Erin is a modern-day literary genius producing side-splitting humor wrapped in blankets of resilience. Erin’s passion, power and prowess expressed through this montage of life events is moving, inspiring and down-right funny.

April, 37

Erin Stafford
2019-06-11T21:40:39+00:00

April, 37

Erin is a modern-day literary genius producing side-splitting humor wrapped in blankets of resilience. Erin’s passion, power and prowess expressed through this montage of life events is moving, inspiring and down-right funny.
Erin is one of the most inspiring human beings I know. Her go-getter attitude and tell-it-like-it-is approach is so refreshing. She kills it when it comes to her career, she is a world traveler and a chronic dater. Erin will crack you up with her online dating chronicles. Her stories hit all too close to home, are hilarious and all too real just like her.

Lauren, 38

Erin Stafford
2019-06-14T17:52:15+00:00

Lauren, 38

Erin is one of the most inspiring human beings I know. Her go-getter attitude and tell-it-like-it-is approach is so refreshing. She kills it when it comes to her career, she is a world traveler and a chronic dater. Erin will crack you up with her online dating chronicles. Her stories hit all too close to home, are hilarious and all too real just like her.
Erin always tells it like it is and can laugh with me AND at herself. She is someone I love being around, because she truly enjoys life and seizes every day and opportunity; she becomes what she wants to be, because she believes she can. She’s a mover and a shaker and I am INSPIRED by her.

Karen, 43

Erin Stafford
2019-06-14T17:52:37+00:00

Karen, 43

Erin always tells it like it is and can laugh with me AND at herself. She is someone I love being around, because she truly enjoys life and seizes every day and opportunity; she becomes what she wants to be, because she believes she can. She’s a mover and a shaker and I am INSPIRED by her.
Erin’s writing has grit and forces you to reflect on your own dating snafus. Ever tenacious, she goes into the trenches so we don’t have to. Erin manages to cripple you in laughter while taking her absolutely seriously at the same time.

Samantha, 28

Erin Stafford
2019-06-17T16:28:32+00:00

Samantha, 28

Erin’s writing has grit and forces you to reflect on your own dating snafus. Ever tenacious, she goes into the trenches so we don’t have to. Erin manages to cripple you in laughter while taking her absolutely seriously at the same time.
Erin is an incredibly charming, straight-shooting woman of our times with her finger firmly on the pulse of what is happening (or not happening, as the case may be) in her circles. She always has a new on-point, hysterical insight to share about dating, love or life, with a healthy dose of modern feminism thrown in. Erin is a talented thinker and writer, certain to be an influencer.

Sheila, 41

Erin Stafford
2019-06-20T22:36:22+00:00

Sheila, 41

Erin is an incredibly charming, straight-shooting woman of our times with her finger firmly on the pulse of what is happening (or not happening, as the case may be) in her circles. She always has a new on-point, hysterical insight to share about dating, love or life, with a healthy dose of modern feminism thrown in. Erin is a talented thinker and writer, certain to be an influencer.
5
2
Erin Stafford